Zielchmerz-the exhilarating dread of finally pursuing a lifelong dream which requires you to put your true abilities out there to be tested

procrastination is my forte

i can drag out planning and preparation for an event for days on end

over analyze every little detail even when i know its as good as its going to get

the best it can possibly be

i have the ability to find something that needs redoing before i start

i have an endless list of excuses at my disposal 

and im good at it  i mean REALLY good

because secretly im terrified to begin

the inevitability of commencing looms over my head like a dark cloud

i know i can only delay it for so long

a myriad of failure painted pictures scrolls through my mind

and echoes in my eardrums

the amplified sound of my own heartbeat

my face turns a deep scarlet 

as my voice raises a few octaves and begins to quiver

my hands start to shake 

and then
then i try something new
step outside of my comfort zone
and i am better for it