Tuesday, April 29, 2014

officially adding a-z drop out to my resume.

in honor of this blogs demise
heres a list of other famous a-z drop outs:

e.e. cummings

edgar alan poe

john steinbeck

ann patchett

robert ludlum

george r. r. martain

mitch albom

garth nix

michelle obama

kathy griffin

amy chua

steve martin

and last but not least...

the late great irreplaceable comedic legend tina fey
 though she is gone
her whispers float through the
earth like soggy cornflakes in my
cereal milk.
she will be missed.

tina fey is not dead. she is immortal.  the proceeding blog was full of complete and utter bullshit
thanks for reading anyway! cheers to you if you actually finished a-z like a champ!

Monday, April 21, 2014

rejected ideas for today's blog entry

who wrote the book of love?
the monotones.
(because it was stuck in my head okay!)

what color was your poop today?
light tannish brown if you must know.                         (r is for really gross)                        

when was toast invented?
somewhere between 100 and 30,000 years ago
(really craving tea and toast)

why are fire extinguishers red?
not all of them are.

how do i always get suckered into buying popcorn when i go to target?
because the color red makes you hungry and they're mental programming you to buy.
(r is for red duh)

5 quintessential skills for completing a-z in 2014 aka belated letter Q

  1. organization, the most vital of all life skills. keep all of your organs alphabetized in tidy labeled containers. 
  2. time management. even the most talented hours and seconds need proper representation if they're ever gonna get somewhere.
  3. master the art of bullshit.  bs is a must have item for any creative types arsenal. did Michelangelo know what he was doing when Pope Julius II commissioned him to paint the Sistine chapel? not a chance. the old adage "fake it till you make it"? yeah, someone knew what they were talking about.
don't worry about the last two. they aren't really all that important.


like the letters sung by a toddler  "k-elemeno-p"
or as my nephew would say "k, the old minnow pees"
those letters seem to have gotten away from me.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Janus pays a visit

the choice for "j" was easy today
i woke up with the name Janus on my lips

not because i'd spent the night looking for a "j"
but because i was thinking of everything going on in my life right now, nothing life altering really
just your generic distractions like shifts in location, work structure, family dynamics, habits, etc.
a to z has truthfully just scribbled in somewhere in the margins this go around.

Janus is of course from Roman mythology
he is the god of beginnings, transitions, gates, doors,
passages, endings and time.
he is usually depicted as having two faces.
not because he is thought to be deceitful
but because he looks to the future and to the past.

i myself remain preoccupied with the past and present.
my thoughts of the future as of late, are limited to how the past and present might affect it.
planning is not something i've ever excelled at.
things like leases ending, have a habit of sneaking up on me.

i suppose i always thought that there were just a few preset turning points in our lives.
times of change.

it never occurred to me that life would go off script
write in it's own points.
that they would catch me when i least expected it.

im not fond of change.
it stresses me out.
i get horrid persistent knots in my stomach.
and down right stubborn.
stagnant water or not.
but i suppose i've tired of the stench
and find my life evolving and changing
well perhaps its not so much my life, but me that is changing.

i feel different.
im not sure how exactly.
i don't know if its good, bad or neutral.
i just know that im aware of it.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

flapping without wings

the story of Icarus is not unfamiliar to most.
it's a cautionary tale of Hubris, usually told to arrogant adolescents and the likes, as a warning of what happens to those who do not listen to their elders...

you know what happens when you don't listen to your elders? you fly into the sun and your wax melts and you die. remember that kiddos.

American poet, Jack Gilbert, said that:
"Icarus was not failing as he fell, but just coming to the end of his triumph."
it is that cavalier line of thinking that has made Icarus somewhat of a role model for taking risks.
sure you might fail, but won't the view from the top be worth the fall to the bottom?
many are more than willing to take the chance just for a glimpse.
so much so, there's even a complex named for everyone's favorite heliophilic Greek.
Icarus Syndrome refers to an individual who gets carried away by their own success.
such is often one of humanity's many tragic flaws.
we discover our ability to succeed in some aspect of our lives and we throw ourselves head first into it.
allow it to consume us disregarding the sea below us and the sun above us.
in our singular devotion to one aspect the others fail.
success is the symbolic sunlight we unknowingly stretch and strain to reach, only to be undone.
wax melted and flapping without wings.

life, just as in flight, is something that requires balance.
a lesson that is often hard learned.

still learning.

p.s. if  anyone knows how to make humans fly, for real, i want in!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014


have you always wanted to become an internet blogging sensation and get noticed by a publisher and land a book deal? want to share your experiences with the world in hopes that you inspire someone else to do great things? are you a professional writer, actor, or artist hoping to gain a larger fan base to promote your latest, novel, movie, or project? if so you are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo reading the wrong blog.

now if you're bored, looking to kill time, or just like write stuff every now and then but not really, like at all.
then this might be the blog for you

following these 22 easy steps you too, can not write a blog!
step one: create a blog

step two: be very sporadic with your posts jumping from topic to topic on a whim

step three: really buckle down and commit to a theme

step four: throw theme out the window and write nonsensical gibberish

step five: don't post anything for months on end

step six: write a singular post portraying your intent on becoming a more focused and organized individual.

step seven: write a post denouncing the world of writing.

step eight: join a crossfit gym and go everyday. so that the obsession occupies your brain, drink the kool-aid, join the cult, its a good one. you must also spend endless hours facebooking about it because everyone knows:

step nine: get a job that has almost nothing to do with computers where you still get elected as IT guru and spend your days fixing everyone's glitches, viruses, and crashes. so that by the end of the day the last thing you want to do is look at a computer.

step ten: squeeze in a few random posts here and there anyway.

step eleven: actually write a real one.

step twelve: skip step eleven

step thirteen: there is no step thirteen, bad juju.

step fourteen: let's do the time warp again!

step fifteen: it's just a jump to the left

step sixteen: then a step to the right.

step seventeen: put your hands on your hips

step eighteen: with your knees in tight

step nineteen: but it's the pelvic thrust that really  drives them insane

step twenty: try to get that out of your head

step twenty-one: stop reading this crap and get back to a to z!

step twenty-two: yeah skip twenty-one too.

gosh golly gee whiz

i forgoted to do "g"

Monday, April 7, 2014


an outer edge,
not the first thing you would use to describe a person.

but i imagine most people can think of at least one person that they know
who would fit that description.
they're people who are, in some small way or another, a part of your life.
an acquaintance, a bank teller, the guy at the gym, barista, neighbor...
someone you have regular interactions with, however minute they may be.

someone whom you seldom think twice of.
people who exist in our worlds but just barely.

someone who you have a profound effect on.
you had no idea, right?
well its' true.

that simple thank you in the drive-thru?
just made their week.

the quick high five you gave the guy who finished his laps last?
kept him from throwing in the towel.

the friendly wave you give your neighbor everyday?
makes him feel like a human after his nightmare of a job.

didn't do any of those things?
better go back and re-do your week.

the fringes matter. 
remember you're someone else's fringes too.

and thats all ive got to say about that.


some days life doesn't feel real.
it feels like you're dreaming.
not in a big this-is-so-not-my-life kind of way
it's more subtle than that.
something foggy in the air
everything just looks slightly fuzzy
like the static from an old tv has escaped and just sort of bounces about
trying on everyone and everything in sight.
something about the way words taste in your mouth
nothing you say seems to be right.
it's like you've forgotten how to communicate.
some far off whispers in your ear
not the im-hearing-things type of whispers
just little ear worms you can't quite shake
and you find your mind wandering off to a place that you've been recently
like you never really left.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

clashing with the scientist

it gives you a better vantage point to evaluate things.
to look on with little or no invested emotion.
it allows you to realize your mistakes and see where you went wrong.
but does it always provide clarity?
or do you have to go back to the start for that?
is the start really square one?
or can you simply take a new road?
but wouldn't that just be distance with different wallpaper?
 how do you decide if you should stay or go?
staying avoids the distance but don't we need the space for our souls to breathe?
ultimately i guess there is a difference in distance and leaving.
when you leave you're not supposed to come back.
unless of course you are...

ten minute mobile blog version 1.0 
there's a writing exercise where you play music for ten mins and just write whatever pops into your head. as Bradbury says"don't think. just write" figured id try to use it to catch up

Thursday, April 3, 2014

the first lady had it right!

c is for crossfit

probably the biggest thing going on in my world right now.

i'll be the first one to admit that i am not exactly what you would call physically fit.
i used to be, i did gymnastics when i was a kid and played soccer in high school...
somewhere along the way i just sort of stopped being active.

i worked long hours, stayed out late at night, lived off of caffeine and whatever junk was easiest to grab
for whatever reason i didn't particularly think that working out and eating right applied to my station in life.
it's just easy to not do anything, easy to eat whatever i want.
sure there were the half-hearted new years resolutions here and there to loose weight .
i've joined and left many a gym.
there's several beautiful trails and places to hike or bike near where i live
something that, i occasionally i actually take advantage of
if the weathers nice enough.

one year a co-worker dared me to do a 5k obstacle course with them, the warrior dash.
i pseudo trained for it walking and jogging a bit here and there no real commitment.
needless to say i got my ass handed to me.
it took me well over an hour to complete the course.
and you know what? i was so damn proud of it.
still have my completion medal and a picture of me leaping over flames hanging in my living room.
as tough as it was i had the time of my life doing it.
because unlike running circles around a track or climbing a stair climber.
i had a finish line to cross.
i was doing something, but not just that, it was fun.
it didn't feel like work. it felt like play.
like being a kid again and playing outside without a care in the world.
and i though why cant exercise be more like play?
like every new thing to me i obsessed over it pretty thoroughly
read up on every obstacle race i could find and how people prepared for them.
i kept coming across something called crossfit.
it looked pretty insane and intimidating.
i convinced myself it was too tough for me to attempt.
and quickly fell back into my mostly stationary lifestyle.

luckily for me.
i happen to have a cousin who is super into crossfit
he fell into it looking to rehabilitate from an injury
ended up getting kind of competitive with it and doing some personal training
and then decided to open up his own box in my city.
and he nagged me.
and ear wormed the hell out of me to try to get me down to check out his box.
(crossfit gyms are called boxes)
annnd i kept saying i would.
but i never did.
then one day out of the blue he called me while i was at work
this time he didn't ask me, but told me, that i need to get into his gym before the end of the week.

and so i did.
i put it off for a few days.
but finally told myself if i just went and sucked really hard at it
at least he'd leave me alone?

terrified and insecure as hell i tiptoed into my first WOD(work out of the day)
bracing myself for the awkward record skip and eventual stoning
and was greeted with one friendly and inviting face after the other
everyone was nice. was i in the right place?
my cousin had already slipped out for the day by the time i made it in for the evening class
the coach walked me through everything step by step
and for the first 30 mins i was fighting to keep up pace with everyone
i was so clueless and then i started feeling lightheaded and had to take a little break
but i felt something odd at the back of my head
motivation? encouragement? something along those lines.
i wasn't ready to cash in my chips just yet, i jumped back at it.
albeit slower than before and with bad form, i finished the work out.

i couldn't move anything right for about a week.
my whole body ached, but i loved every second of  it.
it was and is, this little pulse reminding me, "you're doing something, its awesome."
i started making drastic changes to the sort of things i was putting into my body.
experimenting with the paleo diet here and there.

i thought to myself okay. i might be able to pull this off.

i didn't go back again until the next monday and it was the least motivating class i've attended thus far
it was so many different types of lifts and they were all similar and i couldn't do any of them right
the coach had me working with a tiny pvc pipe and i left feeling like i hadn't done anything
i was beyond frustrated and ready to quit right then.
i took a day off and read a zillion articles and watched dozens of youtube videos.
and slowly talked myself into giving it another go.

and another and another and another
and another...

i've been at it for a month now.
every day is different than the last.

im learning new skills doing things like
box jumps, dead lifts, burpees, double unders,
wall balls, rowing, running, box jumps, push presses, clean and jerks...

things that a month ago i don't think i could ever see myself doing.
i look forward to the WODs
i even find myself getting slightly bummed when there's not one.
it's so normal and routine for me now, get off work and head to the box.

the highlight of my week so far was when we did goblin squats and i held mine for the longest
it was actually almost comfortable and the coach said i had "perfect" form!

i've learned so much in a short time but there's still vastly more to learn
half the time i have no idea what im doing but im doing it.
it's not always easy, parts of it are rather difficult.
but i keep coming back
because im done with easy.

i want to look back this time next year and see the progress i've made.
the people at my box are the most welcoming and warm people i've ever met
they don't think twice about giving out pointers or advice or helping me with my techniques
we motivate and encourage one another every day.
this work out isn't about competing with the guy across from you
its about you facing you. which is probably the scariest thing you can possibly do.

crossfit is more than a workout and i can feel that i've only just scratched the surface
i'm a little annoyed with myself for taking so long to give it a try.
if you're afraid to try something new, do it anyway.
do it right away! before you loose your nerve!
go on!

"do one thing every day that scares you."-elenor roosevelt

yeah still winging it open to suggestions for the upcoming letters though...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

"b" is for baffling

as i stated previously i have no theme this year and just kind of winging it. still catching up, so this one should be shorter than "a"

as in i was baffled when an elderly lady was pushing a cart full of groceries in the grocery store parking lot began whispering to get my attention.
even more baffling was her reason for needing my attention
{do people actually say that?}
{oh i think they're talking to me}
"are you in a terrible hurry, could you help me please?"
'i sort of am but what do you need help with?'
"will you walk with me to my car?"
{insert quizzical look}
"it's just that there's this lady that's been following and watching me ever since i got here"
{looks around for predatory lady, nope i don't see one}
"i don't want her to try anything"
{mind you it's broad daylight}
'um...okay sure where's you car?'
"it's just right here"
[points three feet to the left]
'okay here you are have a nice day.'
"would it be too much of a bother for you to help me load my groceries"
{elaborate ploy for free slave labor? im such a pushover.}
"i just want to make sure i make it out of here.."
{quickly unloads groceries into back of car}
'alrighty looks like your set, take care now.'
[shakily holds out a folded $20.00 bill ]
'oh no m'am i can't take your money.'
"please take it."
'no ma'am'
[bursts into hysterical sobs]
{crap i've broken grandma Methuselah and only 4 mins left to get back to the office}
'it's okay ma'am'
[nods head gets into car and immediately locks door]

true story.

short version: you know plato's allegory of the cave? yeah its really cool. did you know there are really people like that? no, seriously.

i apologize in advance i did not realize this was going to end up being 1130 words...
so cliff notes version in the title and read on for it all if ya have time.

there are some things we read that stay with us.
theses things are usually the earmark of a talented writer or brilliant mind.
the ability to express in words the feelings or thoughts we alone could not accurately piece together
or the imagination that it takes to transport us to another time or world
to show us something we've never seen before
to make us question the world around us
and want to know more.

one such thing for me has been plato's "allegory of the cave"
which brings us to my belated letter "A"
i must've been about 14 when i read it for the first time
it was all such a vivid horror/fantasy tale in my mind
entertainment nothing more.

a few years later i read it again as part of a class
we talked more about its meaning in our classroom discussions
i took away more than entertainment the second time around
i also felt mildly sheepish for liking a story about people
who spent their lives watching shadows in a cave...

in college i read it yet another time as part of a class
it seemed my chagrin was doomed to follow me about
or so it seemed as by some twist of fate my philosophy instructor turned out to be
married to my high school chemistry teacher
a little tidbit that becomes vaugely important as my yarn progresses...
one of the things we discussed about plato's allegory this time around
was of course the effects of education and how the absence of it effects human nature
more specifically we talked about whether or not plato's allegory was still relevant or not
i remember clearly that the debate started of with:
"well not really..."
'okay, why not?'
"people don't really live in caves anymore"
followed by a roar of laughter like something from a cheesy movie
then the instructor shifted the focus away from the more obvious components
and compared the allegory to the educational history of african americans in the united states
they may not have been shackled to a cave wall  but they were shackled in more ways than one
and they were certainly kept in the dark.
(illiteracy is still highest among african americans in the united states.)
one could say that those were the ways of the past and they don't apply to the present now.
but they'd be wrong.
the instructor then told us a story about a young african american teenager whom his wife had as a student.
a real promising bright young lady very intelligent and hard working
who had to be issued two textbooks.
one to keep at home and one to leave at school.
because when she took her textbook home to study
she was attacked and beaten up for being "uppity."
this young lady went to school everyday into the light
and when she came home the darkness would overcome her.
the lack of education in her environment had a vast negative effect
on the nature of the humans that surrounded her.
this story shocked me because that girl was going to the same school that i had
i had never witnessed anything like that during my time there
it was flooring to think about something like that still existing.

that was years ago i don't know who she was or how her story wound up
i like to like to hope for the best...

she and plato's allegory were far from my mind a while back
when i read an article about the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta in Columbia

it's the highest coastal mountain formation on earth
and within its 16,000 sq. kilometers or so you can find almost every ecosystem on the planet
cloud forests, alpine meadows, dry scrubland, tropical rainforests,mangrove swamps, coral reefs, high tundra and even snow fields.
it is also the home to the most complete surviving
civilization of pre-Colombian America.
the Kogi, the Elder Brothers, to them, the Sierra Nevada de Santa Marta is the heart of the world.
i'm inclined to believe them.

isolation and retention of their land is of the utmost importance to the Kogi,
visitors are often greeted with "when are you leaving?"
my kind of people.
recently, they have purposefully broken their isolation in order to send a message
or rather a plea from the heart of the world.
as an ecological community, the Kogi, believe themselves to be the guardians of the earth
if the Sierra is seen as the heart of then the earth as a whole is the body to which they tend
they are the Elder Brothers and all non-Kogi are the Younger Brothers
the Elder Brothers believe that we the Younger Brothers in pursuit of knowledge
are learning how to destroy the world. perhaps we are.

this plea was voiced by the mamos, who are the social and spiritual leaders of the Kogi.
the mamos undergo intense training, taken at birth and sequestered in a cave for the first 18 years of life
never permitted to see the light of day, if they leave the cave at night they must wear a woven rug over their heads to prevent them from seeing the night sky.
they never see a tree, a bird, a flower, or anything else from the outside world.
their time spent in darkness is used to learn to listen.
they are not taught directly by another mamos, but learn in aluna.
aluna is the vital principle that animates the universe, the living intelligence of being, soul
and fertility, the true essence of reality, shaping and generating the material world.
all things are bound together in a single life, ever action has consequences
therefore all actions must be undertaken mindfully.
the young mamo first learns to listen because "the aluna is the music beneath the silence."
at the end of the 18th year of darkness the mamo is lead from the cave to witness their first dawn.
their first sight of the world they have come to know through sound.
they then learn the fine details in all the cycles and movements of nature.
the very color, taste, and smell of the wind.
it is this vast understanding and knowledge that trains them to care for the heart of the earth
unlike any other could.

they are the real people of plato's allegory
or rather they are the exception to it
they are those who have faced the darkness and embraced it.
i dare say they have grasped a much greater understanding of the world than plato ever did.
and vastly more than you or i ever will.
they shatter all my thoughts about fantasy stories and social shackles.
their beautiful sheltered and hidden way of life leaves me in awe
and envy.

Monday, March 31, 2014


it'ssss baaaaaccckkk!
a to z. that is.
almost forgot about it.
deadline snuck (is so a word!)
no theme.
little time.
alright lets do this...

Thursday, January 2, 2014

one hand on this wily comet..

i could write out new years resolutions and convince
myself that i will stick to them this year... 
but i wont waste the time. 
let's just roll the dice and
see what happens this go around. 
could be good .could be bad.
could be  all the above. 
maybe i'll be a real grown up,
run a marathon, run for president, 
find religion or join a cult,
maybe i'll embrace my inner child, 
maybe i'll learn to fly, or jump out of an airplane,
make time to look up at the stars,
call up everyone i know and tell them i love them,
maybe i'll make someone proud, 
or stop giving a shit about what they think,  
find my niche, actually put forth 
the effort it takes to do something right, 
write more, get organized, become a hobo,
stop living life around the fringes, figure out who i am?