Adomania: sense that the future is arriving too quickly.

growing up when someone said something about the future
 my mind always wandered to the world of hanna-barbara's jetsons

flying cars, robot butlers, lunar vacations, living in outer space
i suppose now part of the child in me still wants to believe in that world
full of fascinating gadgets and unending possibilities new frontiers to explore
but now when i think of the future bradbury's short story
"there will come soft rains" crosses my mind.
a frightening caricature of the jetsons.
bradbury has brought to life sara teasdale's poem in the wake of nuclear war human life has ceased
yet the computer controlled home marches on carrying out its pre-programmed duties indefinitely.
its a sobering thought and speaks volumes on the inevitable self-ruin of man.
the jetsons takes place in the year 2062 and bradburys quiet nightmare takes place in 2026.
49 and 13 years from now and little of hanna-barbra or bradbury's visions ring true.
sure there are a multitude of space-age gadgets
all manners of touch-screen technology and self-parking cars.
no robotic butlers like rosie but a variety of robotic vacuum cleaners
did hit the market a few years back. they were more or less a passing fad.
while there are no lunar vacations, space tourism in a now a reality
for the hefty price of $20-$30 MILLION!
we are living on the edge of the future and its exciting!
but its also scary as hell!

i've always felt i was a bit behind the curb.
as though my peers were miles ahead of me that there was no way i could ever catch up
so why bother running the race at all?
intellectually i think i've actually always been slightly ahead
i was quick to learn and my head was always swiming
with a million or so ideas from all the books i'd read
but socially i was one awkward turtle.
when i was younger i was very talkative
and thought i was the most important person in the world
my mother received several school phone calls regarding my inability to shut up.
but as i got older the world around me seemed so much more vast more so than i ever imagined
and suddenly i felt very small and unimportant.
i began comparing myself to everyone i met and i never felt like i measured up.
i didnt go on camp outs or sleep overs didnt really participate in any extracuriculars
i read lived in books
didnt have many friends, didnt date much,
public speaking was an instrument of torture worthy of the Inquisition.
i never really knew what i wanted to be when i grew up
well admittedly i did have an inexplicable conviction when i was 5 to be a ballerina
i was very resolute in that decison--dont worry it only lasted about 3 weeks..
during the height of my most angst ridden years i was terribly cynical. much more than i am now.
i had a haughty disdain for the majority of my graduating class.
the pep rallies at the high school i attended
for some asinine reason were compulsory.
they were held during school hours and all of the exits were well guarded.
so imprisoned in the bleachers while everyone cheered for our losing football team,
i would play a game in my head to pass the time.
i would look at whatever overly perky cheerleader, jock, club president etc.
that happened to be in the limelight at the moment
and i would imagine where they would be in ten years.
my condescending 17 year old self always jumped to
barefoot and pregnant, bald and unemployed,
living in parents basement still reliving high school glories.
i mean my gods! they made my life miserable!
i was getting out of this place and never going to see any of them again.
a blink or two of the eyes and all those people who i imagined
"made my life miserable"
for the most part have graduated college with viable degrees and careers
and happy marriages with 2+ kids
and are generally productive members of society mortgages and all.
i made a half-assed attempt at going to college and "finding myself"
it didnt take.
i've traveled a bit but i still live 20 miles from where i grew up
worked a few dead in jobs
dated all the wrong people
all of this i've been politely ignoring as i go about my day to day
waiting for my real life to begin...
when i turn five i can do_____
when i turn fifteen i'll _____
when i turn 25 im going to be_____

gabriel garcia marquez said
  "people spend a lifetime thinking about how they would really like to live"

i dont know what i thought it was going to be like
just that its not supposed to be like this.
i guess i always figured at some point i would know where i was supposed to be
that everything would suddenly make sense
that i would "find my place in the world"

i've been idle too long.
the future is arriving too quickly
and the streaks of grey in my hair tell me that i can not ignore it any longer.

  

alimento-mori- the insomnia borne jolt of awareness that you will die.